stampin' up

a few weeks ago i took a techniques class under a stampin' up guru :) http://stampingwithlisa.com/
i think she owns every product the company ever made! as you already know, i love making my own cards so i had a lot of fun.

self analysis

i'd been thinking a lot lately. probably not a good thing. it's funny how the mind works sometimes. initially i was all excited about my future, coming up with ideas and new dreams. then i found myself in a "funk". wondering what i have a passion for. wondering what my niche would be. wondering, wondering, wondering. i started thinking that "real" artists have a passion for something. they have a purpose, a story to tell, a point to make, some political or religious awareness to convey, a reaction to some current event or tragedy.  all of which i don't have. i realized i was comparing myself to other artists, to some "ideal" artist, that image of what a real artist is suppose to be, you know?

well, i'm glad i stopped that nonsense. i reminded myself that i am an artist. i may not be where i want to be but what am i doing about it? maybe that's what started all this thinking. guilt. the guilt i feel when i don't draw or paint when i want to. i always stop myself & i don't understand it. always making excuses. i guess it's like someone wanting to run a marathon but never even ran a mile. how will i ever get myself prepared for that "marathon" if i don't even take a walk everyday?

i had a goal to do at least one drawing a day. but another analysis of myself, i never seem to finish a drawing completely. when i was taking that drawing class last semester i did learn this about myself & realized that i don't put enough time into it. tonight i decided to do some nude poses with graphite on paper. i ended up sketching again. i only did 2 of them with intentions of "completing" them. adding all the values and shadows, actually making a composition out of it but i didn't feel like it. i didn't know where to go with it. i probably only spent 15 min on the 2 & that's including the search for the images. i had to tell  myself that it's ok. i'm happy i picked up that pencil and worked in my studio! i think if i just draw something, anything, anytime, anywhere, it may spark something and i will discover that i want to draw more of it, whatever "it" is. i won't ever discover what "it" is if i don't start somewhere, right?

just walking around the neighborhood

i took baxter for a walk this evening. i noticed his shadow and thought "wow, looks like a great dane".

maybe it's just my imagination :) i do love great danes!

the sky had an interesting look. i tried to capture it on film but it didn't really show off the beautiful blue in the clouds. i could see a glimpse of the baseball field lights so maybe there's a game tonight which means they might have fireworks later. yesterday as i was reading and then while cooking dinner i could listen to the live band playing around the corner. i do love my neighborhood. life is good :)

who ever knew making a pair of pajama pants was so difficult?

if you did know, someone should have told me :)
i found a do it yourself drawstring pants project on martha stewart's website
http://www.marthastewart.com/268829/drawstring-pants-how-to


seemed easy enough. i printed out the template and had to put it together with scotch tape. i cut a "front" and "back" piece and realized that something didn't seem right. the instructions were so confusing to me. i think i might be a dingbat when it comes to sewing. maybe there is just basic stuff you are suppose to know before using a sewing machine or using patterns/templates and i haven't found that lesson yet.

for me, i need more specific instructions. tell me how many pieces to cut. tell me what side to put the template on before i cut it. show me pictures of each step. i don't know, i was so confused. i couldn't follow the instructions. i took my 4 pieces of material and put it together the way i could. i thought of it like a puzzle.

look at the finished piece, do you see a problem? well, all of my pieces were cut the same way. i had to turn 2 pieces the wrong way to make it fit. plus, i couldn't figure out which was the front or back piece anymore. and then i accidentally sewed the crotch area on the wrong side so the middle looked like it was inside out. when i took it apart, the material is so thin and cheap, it ripped in some areas. i kept thinking to myself "i can't believe i'm having fun doing this". oh and geez, you should have seen me when i realized i didn't have holes for my drawstring to come through.

maybe i shouldn't have thrown away the template. i need to try this again the "right way". i went to the website just to see it again. i found a video for it but it wasn't very specific either. i'll figure it out :) i'm going to do some research on youtube before i do another sewing project.

putting the pattern together

final pattern pieces

fabric cut, but something doesn't seem right

something is definitely wrong but i did it!

at least it's wearable :) 

tried again and...

what a challenge! i picked something "easy". a simple card wallet. i did learn something about myself, i don't follow instructions well! this is ironic because when i cook by a recipe, i always follow it exactly the way it's written. one problem i had, i did not source the blog i found this project on so when it said to copy the template for folding and placing the velcro, well, i didn't have it available. i tried to find the blog but no such luck. so i improvised. i only had industrial velcro available and it has a tacky backing to stick it wherever you need. i tried to sew it in place and ruined my sewing machine needle! oh the shenanigans of sewing :)

my first sewing project

i was given this sewing machine from someone who didn't need it anymore. i decided to do something "easy" for my first project. coasters! it was a bit challenging at first. i was doing a lot of talking to myself, something i don't normally do. but i got through it and voila! i made 2 coasters. kudos to all who know how to work a sewing machine! i see how practice makes perfect :) i really want to make my own apron. another friend gave me a book of easy sewing projects, which is where i got the coasters idea. the apron i want to make is in this book.  i think i better practice making a few more coasters if i want the apron to look good. i now understand the importance of precision in cutting fabric too. i skipped the step where it told me to use a fabric marker and ruler before cutting. i also now understand the importance of following instructions carefully :) even through all the frustration, i really had a lot of fun doing this. the best part was that moment when "aha" happened & i suddenly figured it out. then another "aha" happened when i figured out the next problem. and then that big "oh, ok" when i really realized that i figured out what i was doing. i can't wait to try this again & discover a few more of those "aha" moments.

goals for may

i've had a few days off from work and actually did a lot. i've had a list of "to dos" for months now and i just got most of that list done! one of those things to do was to make thank you cards and mail them. i always have fun making cards. and i love using all of the stuff i already have.

i've also been doing a lot of thinking. so for the month of may i decided on a few goals:
1. do a drawing a day (i need to fill up my sketchbooks)
2. no eating out (i will save a lot of money)
3. walk or ride my bike at least once a day (bike ride as soon as i put air in my tires)
4. finish reading the hunger games (a friend asked me to read it then i guess we'll go see the movie)
5. absolutely no more than 1 soda a day (drink water instead)

i think it can be done. no, i know it can be done. so let's see. today, i haven't done a drawing yet but i will as soon as i get off of the computer :) i did not eat out today and i only drank one glass of cherry coke. i took a nap instead of a walk and as soon as i'm done with my drawing i will read until i fall asleep.

final painting portfolio

my first painting for the class. it made it into the student exhibition. the assignment was simply direct observation.

this was the most difficult painting i have ever done! the assignment was to do something with a skewed perspective.

this is my narrative piece. baxter like a lot of dogs loves to go bye-bye. where we're going, he doesn't care.

so i'm done with this semester. i have a summer to draw, paint, create, read, explore, whatever i want to do. i'm excited :) i really want to take a photography workshop so i can take better photos of my work, well just to be able to take better photos!

frustration?

i'm frustrated because i cannot express emotion through my art? no, i'm really not even frustrated. are all artists suppose to be able to express emotionally through their art? i don't know how to paint what i feel. maybe i don't feel anything. maybe my personality is too calm and laid back. i worked very hard in the last few years to let go of a lot of negative energy. maybe the next time i feel anger or rage, i will go straight to the canvas and see what happens.

the painting on my last post was an example of me going "wild and crazy". the more i look at it, the more i hate it. so i thought i'd try it again. this time with my familiar oil paint. i thought i could express energy and grace at the same time. well, someone just told me to take both paintings, lay them on the floor and then splatter black and white paint all over them. that might be a good idea :)

even tho i don't feel i've created very successful pieces, i do feel i've accomplished quite a bit. in two nights i tried something new and different. i let go of the need to be perfect, that perfectionist in me won't even try new things in fear of messing up, in fear of wasting, and so i usually don't do anything at all. does that make any sense? and i actually spent time painting! that in itself is an accomplishment!

i have a hard time drawing or painting from imagination. i painted tonight without a photograph or any other source. i say i don't know how to create from imagination. i realized tonight that maybe i do know how i just won't let myself.  in addition to my perfectionist tendencies, my insecurity and inner critic tells me my imagination is too childlike and my skill level is not good enough to handle such make believe imagery. so i've taken the first step and tried. now i need to try again and again and get as much practice in as i can. it is kind of funny when i think about what i had in mind and then look at what i actually put on the canvas :)

a hot mess

just trying something new. acrylics and palette knives. i wanted something bright and energetic. i started applying the paint and took a twisting motion for each color. i realized it looked like a chromosome which provoked me to think of life and creation. as i continued on, i thought of color and the emotions evoked by each:
yellow: sunshine, summer, bright, happiness, optimism;
blue: cold, winter, peace;
orange: enthusiasm, cheerfulness, energy;
purple: royalty, magic, imagination;
red: passion, danger, love, anger, speed.

so when i finished with this "experiment" i tried to make sense of it all. it was created intuitively but i wanted to keep in mind the compositional elements and principles. i have mixed feelings about it, whether i like it or not. i couldn't help but make it into a form of self portrait. my life is a hot mess right now. the yellow at the top being my destination, a place of happiness and brightness. the twists and turns in the middle representing areas of need such as finding peace, energy, and imagination through the stress of my current life. and then the red, the large wave of passion always waiting to take over and as it waits it gets angrier and angrier.

it could also just be me and my girls hanging out at the beach on a hot sunny day :)
i love art!

final drawing presentation

this class is done. i can honestly say i have learned a lot. my confidence is better. this may sound silly, but i looked at my portfolio today and thought "i do know how to draw". i may not be at the skill level i'd like to see but i need practice. lots of practice. something i do take for granted. so here's a look at what i turned in. i think i missed taking pics of a few pieces. i do know i passed the class :)

what emotion does this convey?

the assignment was to create an emotion or a feeling in a drawing without using a human figure. well...
my idea looked good as a thumbnail in my sketchbook but i look at this and all i can think of is "monster eye". maybe i'm just being silly. we had to use space, light and perspective to convey a feeling. i thought i could convey fear. so many people have stage fright (myself included). the perspective was suppose to be from high in the balcony. i probably should have made the stage scene a bit smaller. i don't know. the spotlight is a focal point. the spotlight was also suppose to have a dramatic light effect. i don't know how i feel about this piece. i think i need to darken the curtains to match the top curtain. and maybe the shape of the stage just isn't working for me. hmm...

rejection = motivation

it's tough being rejected. i know it's all part of the process. still, it doesn't feel good. funny how it seems to put a microphone in front of my negative self talk. that self talk i'm trying really hard to change. so my apples painting was rejected for a local college student competition/show. out of 153 submissions, they only kept 79. i was in a bit of shock when i didn't see my name on the list.
my self talk has been talking a lot lately. always saying that maybe i'm not passionate enough, maybe i don't have enough skill, maybe i don't have enough creative talent, blah blah blah. being rejected for this show just added fuel to my self doubt. i know it's all fear talking. i'm always scared to take that leap of faith. scared to quit my job and go for something i know will make me happier. something that will fill my spirit. i do have a fear of rejection. i do find excuses to stop myself from moving forward. excuses has kept me from my dreams for too long!

so i started browsing the internet. something i do when i decide to procrastinate. i read some blog posts & then i came up on this: "don't listen to your fears" from things we forget #843. here's the link http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com
you know i had to analyze and say that message was sent for me :)

making a short story long, within an hour i found out that my school is having their student show. with their student show is a scholarship competition. if my painting was stuck at that other competition, i wouldn't have it to submit for this one. so there you have it. like the saying goes, when one door shuts, another one opens, right? then i remembered how happy i felt to get the piece ready for the show and actually deliver it to the place. i loved the excitement. the process! remember, it's all about the process. i am enjoying the process and i need to focus. this one rejection is just a distraction. a distraction that should motivate me to work harder. rejection has motivated me in the past why shouldn't it continue to do so now?

a photo an hour

i enjoy reading these types of posts. i love seeing a "day in the life" of people. famous and ordinary. i like knowing how people "do it".
i came across one blog that asked for readers to link their photo an hour posts. http://amymorby.com/2012/03/21/a-day-in-the-life-suckas/#idc-container
well, here's my attempt to do one too :)

9am: cocka doodle doo; i don't do coffee

10am: showered & dressed; baxter has to do his business. a gorgeous day today!
i do love my neighborhood!

11am: painting class meets here today to see the exhibit "30 americans"

1pm: lunch; cheap and easy

2pm & 3pm: i can't seem to separate myself from the sofa; wonderful nap!

4pm: trip to the vet; getting ready to start doggie daycare next week

6pm: waited for the rain to stop; time to make groceries

8pm: dinner! teriyaki chicken, rice, sauteed sugar snap peas. yum!

9pm: felt like making a cake; checked email, read some blogs,
felt guilty for not working on my drawing assignment

11pm: time for netflix

not too productive today. that nap seemed to really fast forward my time. maybe i can blame it on the pollen. obviously i needed it! doing this was fun. i think i will do it again. it helped me be mindful of the moment, something i strive to do more of. i also enjoy having my camera with me wherever i go.
after this movie i will spend a few hours working on my drawing. i don't have to go to work tomorrow so no alarm clock! baxter gets to meet the people and other dogs at the doggie daycare in the morning. this will be his first time doing anything like this. i feel like he's starting kindergarten or something!

my alter ego

another dandy assignment. my alter ego? the first thing that came to mind was a confident, outgoing woman who has rhythm and is coordinated. someone proud to be under a spotlight posing in front of everyone. that is not me. i decided to do a young lady with dreadlocks(i've always wanted them myself)  in a bikini and roller skates under a disco ball. for some reason i thought it had to be in charcoal. i use to love charcoal but it's been too long since i played with it. doing the fine details of a face was so frustrating. granted, i did not work on this piece very long. this was my second attempt and i erased that face a few times to start over. maybe i should have used charcoal pencil for the face. i struggled, again, and kept whining that i didn't know what i was doing and having all these self doubts. of course,  i expected some negative comments from the instructor during the critique. but he surprised me. he thought the composition worked. it was balanced and he pointed out the forms, not a figure, but the actual forms. then he talked of intuition and how sometimes a person can work strictly from intuition and not even realize they are using the proper principles and elements of design. what a confidence booster that was! thank you mr. irby!
so back to the drawing board. i will definitely work on this one before turning in my final portfolio at the end of the semester.

who me? go jogging?

yes i did! thanks to my oldest. she introduced me to a simple plan...walk 6 min then jog 1 min. we did it and i survived! we did 3 rounds then a walk. too bad she doesn't live around here, i might need a partner to keep me going. i rewarded myself with a new pair of running shoes! you might not understand why this is such a tremendous achievement for me. i hate going to the gym. i don't like to sweat. i hate exercising. i was never the athletic type (although i do enjoy playing tennis). i am the girl who always got picked last for the team in gym class! (awful childhood memories by the way). the weather is suppose to be gorgeous tomorrow so i look forward to putting my new shoes to use. so one day i will progress to 20 min of non stop jogging, right? well, i'm excited about it. i've always envied people who go jogging on a regular basis. i wish i was disciplined enough. maybe i will be :) i have to do something. everyone tells me that once you turn 40, it's all down hill from there! i refuse to let that happen!

before and after

i realized that i do enjoy the before and after effect. i just like seeing a blank paper, an empty plate, or a blank canvas and then seeing what creation appears later. i also enjoy seeing a dirty house, cleaning it and then feeling the pride in its transformation after i've worked so hard. i do love to clean (i know i am weird ;)

thought i was done, well almost gave up

so i really struggle with my drawing class. i don't seem to come up with any good ideas, i struggle to stay positive and just get so frustrated. i'm glad i didn't give up on this. i used soft pastels, messy pastels :) kudos to all who have mastered this technique.  i have mixed feelings about this piece but i like the feeling of overcoming that frustration and pushing forward. i look at it and again i am reminded of why i am doing this. i am learning. i am enjoying myself. i may never sell this piece but i'm finally doing it. this is what i've looked forward to doing for so very long.

after a little more work

valentine's day & the art of letting go

i was on a mission last night. i had to get my valentine's gifts completed to get them to the post office today. forgive me but i forgot where i found the idea to make valentine mints but i decided to give it a try. it was messy but fun. i found these cute little valentine treat bags by martha stewart. they were perfect for my mints!

i didn't want to make traditional red, white, pink, foo foo valentine day cards so i decided to make little owls. i'm trying to use up the stuff i already own and voila...

making cards is a lot of fun. it's somewhat of a childhood pleasure, cutting & pasting.  i vowed not to spend any more money at the hallmark store. i have invested many dollars with them over the years. i've always wanted one of those cricut machines but it was never priority. as i was cutting and designing my little owls i realized "who needs that expensive machine anyway?". 

one thing i am learning in this transformation of mine is the art of letting go...

...let go of the need to be perfect

...let go of the need for acceptance

...let go of the need of approval

...let go of the fear of "messing" up 

...let go of making excuses

...let go of the habit of spending $; the old me would have gone to michaels and spent money on new pretty papers, embellishments, more adhesive material when i haven't even used up what i have already in stock, etc. it's the same principle with cooking. why not use up what i already have before buying new stuff? it forces one to be more creative, right? i'm a work in progress, i did go to michaels to buy those valentine treat bags tho :) baby steps ok?