i'd been thinking a lot lately. probably not a good thing. it's funny how the mind works sometimes. initially i was all excited about my future, coming up with ideas and new dreams. then i found myself in a "funk". wondering what i have a passion for. wondering what my niche would be. wondering, wondering, wondering. i started thinking that "real" artists have a passion for something. they have a purpose, a story to tell, a point to make, some political or religious awareness to convey, a reaction to some current event or tragedy. all of which i don't have. i realized i was comparing myself to other artists, to some "ideal" artist, that image of what a real artist is suppose to be, you know?
well, i'm glad i stopped that nonsense. i reminded myself that i am an artist. i may not be where i want to be but what am i doing about it? maybe that's what started all this thinking. guilt. the guilt i feel when i don't draw or paint when i want to. i always stop myself & i don't understand it. always making excuses. i guess it's like someone wanting to run a marathon but never even ran a mile. how will i ever get myself prepared for that "marathon" if i don't even take a walk everyday?