Tuesday, May 1, 2012


i'm frustrated because i cannot express emotion through my art? no, i'm really not even frustrated. are all artists suppose to be able to express emotionally through their art? i don't know how to paint what i feel. maybe i don't feel anything. maybe my personality is too calm and laid back. i worked very hard in the last few years to let go of a lot of negative energy. maybe the next time i feel anger or rage, i will go straight to the canvas and see what happens.

the painting on my last post was an example of me going "wild and crazy". the more i look at it, the more i hate it. so i thought i'd try it again. this time with my familiar oil paint. i thought i could express energy and grace at the same time. well, someone just told me to take both paintings, lay them on the floor and then splatter black and white paint all over them. that might be a good idea :)

even tho i don't feel i've created very successful pieces, i do feel i've accomplished quite a bit. in two nights i tried something new and different. i let go of the need to be perfect, that perfectionist in me won't even try new things in fear of messing up, in fear of wasting, and so i usually don't do anything at all. does that make any sense? and i actually spent time painting! that in itself is an accomplishment!

i have a hard time drawing or painting from imagination. i painted tonight without a photograph or any other source. i say i don't know how to create from imagination. i realized tonight that maybe i do know how i just won't let myself.  in addition to my perfectionist tendencies, my insecurity and inner critic tells me my imagination is too childlike and my skill level is not good enough to handle such make believe imagery. so i've taken the first step and tried. now i need to try again and again and get as much practice in as i can. it is kind of funny when i think about what i had in mind and then look at what i actually put on the canvas :)

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