i think i forgot how to paint

this is the photo reference for my painting of baxter. poor baxter. i made him look so sad. i did the drawing outline on the canvas in a ultramarine blue and that blue got into everything! what was i thinking? it was so frustrating! and, i probably should have started with something easier, monochromatic maybe. trying to put value in black and white is difficult. i should have taken the actual black and white colors off of my palette. i only worked on it for an hour. i am quite proud of the progress i was making. i guess the more i work on it, the better it gets. i'm learning along the way. i am afraid that if i work on it too much, the colors will turn into mud. now i need to figure out how to make baxter not look so sad. i also need to figure out how to make that shadow on the side not look like it's some kind of attachment to his neck. we'll see what happens.

i started reading a book today about creativity and the message i got so far was how it's all about the process and not the finished product and memories were coming back to me. i procrastinated but i picked up the charcoal and the canvas and once i started i couldn't stop. i ended up using so many brushes because that stoopid blue kept getting into every color i used! i will never do that again! i'm just really happy i actually did something! this is how i would like everyday to be. if only i could stay motivated. me and my bad habits... procrastination and excuse making!!! oh and all the "should of's" i'm repeating tonight! i hate that word...should of or should have. geez!

Well, it's a little after 1am, i guess i'll go read some more of that book. i hear thunder outside too, it's going to be a great night! i love a good thunderstorm! it makes me feel at peace.