what emotion does this convey?

the assignment was to create an emotion or a feeling in a drawing without using a human figure. well...
my idea looked good as a thumbnail in my sketchbook but i look at this and all i can think of is "monster eye". maybe i'm just being silly. we had to use space, light and perspective to convey a feeling. i thought i could convey fear. so many people have stage fright (myself included). the perspective was suppose to be from high in the balcony. i probably should have made the stage scene a bit smaller. i don't know. the spotlight is a focal point. the spotlight was also suppose to have a dramatic light effect. i don't know how i feel about this piece. i think i need to darken the curtains to match the top curtain. and maybe the shape of the stage just isn't working for me. hmm...

rejection = motivation

it's tough being rejected. i know it's all part of the process. still, it doesn't feel good. funny how it seems to put a microphone in front of my negative self talk. that self talk i'm trying really hard to change. so my apples painting was rejected for a local college student competition/show. out of 153 submissions, they only kept 79. i was in a bit of shock when i didn't see my name on the list.
my self talk has been talking a lot lately. always saying that maybe i'm not passionate enough, maybe i don't have enough skill, maybe i don't have enough creative talent, blah blah blah. being rejected for this show just added fuel to my self doubt. i know it's all fear talking. i'm always scared to take that leap of faith. scared to quit my job and go for something i know will make me happier. something that will fill my spirit. i do have a fear of rejection. i do find excuses to stop myself from moving forward. excuses has kept me from my dreams for too long!

so i started browsing the internet. something i do when i decide to procrastinate. i read some blog posts & then i came up on this: "don't listen to your fears" from things we forget #843. here's the link http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com
you know i had to analyze and say that message was sent for me :)

making a short story long, within an hour i found out that my school is having their student show. with their student show is a scholarship competition. if my painting was stuck at that other competition, i wouldn't have it to submit for this one. so there you have it. like the saying goes, when one door shuts, another one opens, right? then i remembered how happy i felt to get the piece ready for the show and actually deliver it to the place. i loved the excitement. the process! remember, it's all about the process. i am enjoying the process and i need to focus. this one rejection is just a distraction. a distraction that should motivate me to work harder. rejection has motivated me in the past why shouldn't it continue to do so now?

a photo an hour

i enjoy reading these types of posts. i love seeing a "day in the life" of people. famous and ordinary. i like knowing how people "do it".
i came across one blog that asked for readers to link their photo an hour posts. http://amymorby.com/2012/03/21/a-day-in-the-life-suckas/#idc-container
well, here's my attempt to do one too :)

9am: cocka doodle doo; i don't do coffee

10am: showered & dressed; baxter has to do his business. a gorgeous day today!
i do love my neighborhood!

11am: painting class meets here today to see the exhibit "30 americans"

1pm: lunch; cheap and easy

2pm & 3pm: i can't seem to separate myself from the sofa; wonderful nap!

4pm: trip to the vet; getting ready to start doggie daycare next week

6pm: waited for the rain to stop; time to make groceries

8pm: dinner! teriyaki chicken, rice, sauteed sugar snap peas. yum!

9pm: felt like making a cake; checked email, read some blogs,
felt guilty for not working on my drawing assignment

11pm: time for netflix

not too productive today. that nap seemed to really fast forward my time. maybe i can blame it on the pollen. obviously i needed it! doing this was fun. i think i will do it again. it helped me be mindful of the moment, something i strive to do more of. i also enjoy having my camera with me wherever i go.
after this movie i will spend a few hours working on my drawing. i don't have to go to work tomorrow so no alarm clock! baxter gets to meet the people and other dogs at the doggie daycare in the morning. this will be his first time doing anything like this. i feel like he's starting kindergarten or something!

my alter ego

another dandy assignment. my alter ego? the first thing that came to mind was a confident, outgoing woman who has rhythm and is coordinated. someone proud to be under a spotlight posing in front of everyone. that is not me. i decided to do a young lady with dreadlocks(i've always wanted them myself)  in a bikini and roller skates under a disco ball. for some reason i thought it had to be in charcoal. i use to love charcoal but it's been too long since i played with it. doing the fine details of a face was so frustrating. granted, i did not work on this piece very long. this was my second attempt and i erased that face a few times to start over. maybe i should have used charcoal pencil for the face. i struggled, again, and kept whining that i didn't know what i was doing and having all these self doubts. of course,  i expected some negative comments from the instructor during the critique. but he surprised me. he thought the composition worked. it was balanced and he pointed out the forms, not a figure, but the actual forms. then he talked of intuition and how sometimes a person can work strictly from intuition and not even realize they are using the proper principles and elements of design. what a confidence booster that was! thank you mr. irby!
so back to the drawing board. i will definitely work on this one before turning in my final portfolio at the end of the semester.

who me? go jogging?

yes i did! thanks to my oldest. she introduced me to a simple plan...walk 6 min then jog 1 min. we did it and i survived! we did 3 rounds then a walk. too bad she doesn't live around here, i might need a partner to keep me going. i rewarded myself with a new pair of running shoes! you might not understand why this is such a tremendous achievement for me. i hate going to the gym. i don't like to sweat. i hate exercising. i was never the athletic type (although i do enjoy playing tennis). i am the girl who always got picked last for the team in gym class! (awful childhood memories by the way). the weather is suppose to be gorgeous tomorrow so i look forward to putting my new shoes to use. so one day i will progress to 20 min of non stop jogging, right? well, i'm excited about it. i've always envied people who go jogging on a regular basis. i wish i was disciplined enough. maybe i will be :) i have to do something. everyone tells me that once you turn 40, it's all down hill from there! i refuse to let that happen!

before and after

i realized that i do enjoy the before and after effect. i just like seeing a blank paper, an empty plate, or a blank canvas and then seeing what creation appears later. i also enjoy seeing a dirty house, cleaning it and then feeling the pride in its transformation after i've worked so hard. i do love to clean (i know i am weird ;)

thought i was done, well almost gave up

so i really struggle with my drawing class. i don't seem to come up with any good ideas, i struggle to stay positive and just get so frustrated. i'm glad i didn't give up on this. i used soft pastels, messy pastels :) kudos to all who have mastered this technique.  i have mixed feelings about this piece but i like the feeling of overcoming that frustration and pushing forward. i look at it and again i am reminded of why i am doing this. i am learning. i am enjoying myself. i may never sell this piece but i'm finally doing it. this is what i've looked forward to doing for so very long.

after a little more work

valentine's day & the art of letting go

i was on a mission last night. i had to get my valentine's gifts completed to get them to the post office today. forgive me but i forgot where i found the idea to make valentine mints but i decided to give it a try. it was messy but fun. i found these cute little valentine treat bags by martha stewart. they were perfect for my mints!

i didn't want to make traditional red, white, pink, foo foo valentine day cards so i decided to make little owls. i'm trying to use up the stuff i already own and voila...

making cards is a lot of fun. it's somewhat of a childhood pleasure, cutting & pasting.  i vowed not to spend any more money at the hallmark store. i have invested many dollars with them over the years. i've always wanted one of those cricut machines but it was never priority. as i was cutting and designing my little owls i realized "who needs that expensive machine anyway?". 

one thing i am learning in this transformation of mine is the art of letting go...

...let go of the need to be perfect

...let go of the need for acceptance

...let go of the need of approval

...let go of the fear of "messing" up 

...let go of making excuses

...let go of the habit of spending $; the old me would have gone to michaels and spent money on new pretty papers, embellishments, more adhesive material when i haven't even used up what i have already in stock, etc. it's the same principle with cooking. why not use up what i already have before buying new stuff? it forces one to be more creative, right? i'm a work in progress, i did go to michaels to buy those valentine treat bags tho :) baby steps ok?

apples!

i'm having so much fun painting again. our assignment was simply direct observation. it was difficult deciding on an idea but i went to the grocery store thinking of fruits and veggies because of their colorful displays. well, i got a few shots before the manager told me i had to have corporate approval to take pictures in their store. whatever, i guess i understand, geez. 

i'm actually pretty happy with the results. i really enjoyed painting this. i did the highlights today and added the reflective color. now that i'm looking at it i might need to tone down the red reflections on the green apples. 

lesson learned: i still know how to paint, i can let go of the insecurity

what i'm most proud of on this piece: i enjoyed the process

it's all about the process...right?

i am enrolled in 2 classes this semester. i felt i needed a freshen up on my drawing & painting skills. i was a little nervous. well, in the drawing class, we were given an assignment to draw 16 different views of a paper bag. then we were to take 2 of those drawings and morph them together into a composition. what? i told myself that i don't know how to draw what i don't see. my problem was that i was not looking. i forgot how to see! negative spaces, contour lines, angles, relationships, value, perspective, oh my! it was all so intimidating. i struggled.

 i struggled some more and ended up just doing anything, just to have something to turn in. i'd never use conte' crayons before. i suppose it's like charcoal but geez. i was not happy with my results. i thought it was dumb. i didn't like the assignment. it was so frustrating!

i turned it in. i got to see my creation up against my classmates. i was so disappointed in myself. then my instructor shows off his creation. he is a portrait artist and the 2 bags he morphed together actually looked like a female figure! he gave us a second chance and voila!

i don't know what it is but i decided to let it go and just have fun with it. i was excited and while i was drawing i went into my "zone". that feeling i get that i love so much when i get involved in creating something. i really don't know how to explain it but i assume it's when i access the right side of my brain.

this was a great reminder for myself to relax and enjoy the process!

homage to grandma quinn

so i felt like baking today.

every christmas my grandmother would bake cookies. my brother and i decorated the sugar cookies but my favorite were her molasses cookies. unfortunately, i don't have her recipe. yesterday would have been her 93rd birthday.

i found this recipe on a blog i like to read every now and then. the recipe is for ginger molasses cookies. not like grandma's but they turned out yummy.

www.brunchwithdarling.com

i also baked some chewy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and made a batch of chocolate fudge. yum yum :)

a thoughtful christmas gift

a friend surprised me with this gift. she found this journal called "smash journal". i never heard of it before. she also included these neat stickies to go with it. she handmade the card and the paper ornament. i think she heard me say i wanted all my ornaments to be handmade next year. she also gave me a moleskin journal. i've always wanted them but too cheap to buy them i guess. she even decorated the cover for me. pretty awesome if you ask me :) thanks ashley!

o christmas tree, o christmas tree

it's our little charlie brown tree. funny how i can't get the ornaments to turn and face me. most of the snowmen are looking the other way! they must be shy :) i love having a living tree in my home. i'm just happy baxter hasn't cocked his leg up to it to do what he does best :) maybe next year i will start a tradition of only having hand made ornaments on our tree. hey, i think that's a great idea. so this christmas day we will each make our first handmade ornament. i've also been wanting to make my own christmas cards to send out as well. i need to hurry up, i don't have much time left! oh, and by the way, that book on the window sill was a gift from a friend/co worker who told me before that i reminded her of the story "if you give a mouse a cookie" so this book is "if you take a mouse to the movies". i'm not like that at all...really :)

more happiness :)

tonight's dinner!

a very good friend surprised me at work one afternoon with this tray. she heard me say once that i wish i had one & she got it! she had the tray set up with a sloppy joe, tater tots, corn kernels, chocolate milk, juice box, banana, and a chocolate chip cookie! it was amazing!

so i use this tray often. it brings me much joy. not only do i have fun placing items in it then eating out of it but i love reliving the memory of the surprise my good friend presented me that day. it doesn't take much to make me happy :) so tonight i made spaghetti, roasted broccoli (with panko, garlic and parmesan), garlic texas toast, then i added a slice of left over pumpkin pie, and a cup of milk. one thing i love about a plate of food...seeing a colorful arrangement.

100 things that make me happy

my daughter convinced me to do this. so here's my list (in random order):

1. surprises just for me :)
2. creating/being creative
3. driving with my top down
4. days off from my job
5. giraffes
6. getting something for free or an unexpected discount
7. finding money on the street
8. cooking, baking, creating delicious meals
9. cooking with gas
10. baxter
11. ice you get from sonic or cookout (the ice that's almost like crushed ice)
12. ice cold pepsi
13. creme brulee with whipped cream and sliced strawberries
14. lump crab meat
15. polite children
16. cheerful service workers like waiters who act like they love their job
17. hummingbirds
18. pets with personality
19. honest people who choose to be happy
20. my apartment
21. my neighborhood
22. puppies
23. taking art classes
24. hershey's chocolate
25. traveling
26. hotel room service
27. painting
28. drawing
29. watching cartoons
30. making my own greeting cards
31. murder, she wrote
32. doing laundry
33. relaxing after i cleaned house
34. cherry coke
35. art supply stores
36. art festivals
37. getting mail from the mailman
38. thunderstorms
39. naps during a thunderstorm
40. grilled foods
41. posting on my blog
42. t shirts
43. pair of good fitting jeans
44. comfy shoes that can be worn with almost anything
45. garfield
46. completing "to do" lists
47. jewel songs
48. bread and honey butter
49. butterfly gardens
50. art museums
51. touring historical homes
52. deidre being silly and happy
53. books
54. composition notebooks
55. ink pens
56. giving gifts
57. making the sweet tea at work that everyone loves
58. sending packages of goodies out to people
59. teaching or helping others
60. buttercream icing
61. post cards
62. feeling inspired
63. feeling productive
64. being grateful
65. macaroni and cheese
66. good morning/good night phone call from someone i love
67. getting out of bed early
68. sleeping in late
69. staying up late
70. cooking with shavelle
71. paying off debt
72. not using credit cards anymore
73. pizza
74. french fries
75. asjah's smile
76. eating a delicious meal
77. people with a sense of humor
78. boston terriers
79. tote bags
80. calico critters
81. people with positive attitudes
82. uncle dave's kettle corn at williamsburg va outlet mall
83. sunshine
84. bento boxes
85. free food
86. daisies
87. hot krispy kreme donuts
88. watching the movie "you've got mail"
89. love stories
90. meeting people who are living the way they want & pursuing their passion
91. disney and pixar movies
92. hallmark movies
93. o'doodle doo's donuts---red velvet with cream cheese frosting center
94. not caring about what time it is
95. laughter
96. fall season
97. inspiring quotes
98. being understood
99. when alecia is happy
100. reading a book that is so good i finish it within a few days

humument

tom phillips created the humument http://humument.com/

this was a fun assignment from my creative writing class. we had to create our own humument. i was only suppose to do one but once i started i couldn't stop :)  you are suppose to isolate words off the page of a book to create a poem:

this was the first one i created

it's too late
owl
hooting
dropping her wings
die if you want to
the owl
was gone

this is the book i used

i need to find my niche. tom phillips discovered something unique. what am i going to do? for my digital arts class last night we created a menu brochure for a local restaurant. designing layouts, inserting photos and creating a professional appearance is a lot of fun to me. i really enjoyed doing it. i did something similar in my foundations class many years ago. we actually created a book of the elements and principles of art. we used appleworks then. now i'm learning creative suite. i've always wanted photoshop. so all night i thought of how i would love a full time job where i could play with layouts and create brochures or pages of a magazine. that would be a great day job! are there any of those jobs out there?

studio space

here's a peek at where all the action takes place:


i am sharing these now so consider them the "before". hopefully, within the next few months i will have an "after" to show you. it's crazy how i have a hard time working in there sometimes. i think it's the junk (stuff that doesn't belong in there but i have no where else to put it) and the fact that all of my books and supplies do not have their own place. ikea has perfect bookshelves for this room and i can't wait to go get them. it's a 3 1/2 hour drive, i'm going to have to borrow a pick up truck, and put the shelves together myself. or i can pay $249 for delivery and then put them together by myself but if i do that then i won't get to enjoy a cheap, delicious meatball lunch!

it is definitely a room for inspiration and ideas. i love just going in there and sitting down. it's like when i go to an art supply store, it motivates me just to be in the presence of the art supplies. it is no doubt a feel good room and i am so blessed to have this space and call it my own!

wanna say "been there, done that"

1. vacation in each of the united states at least once
(so far i've only been to virginia-most of the state; texas-born there & been to san antonio; florida-orlando only; nevada-las vegas; new york-manhatten; north carolina-asheville, boone, the outer banks; delaware-dover; new jersey-atlantic city; massachusettes-boston; indiana-indianapolis; pennsylvania-pittsburgh; georgia-atlanta; maryland-baltimore. i have a long way to go, huh? oh, and connecticut, that was the worst trip ever, i don't want to claim it)
2. live in france and learn to speak french fluently
3. write legibly with both hands
4. master eating with chopsticks
5. read at least one book per month
6. watch every movie that won an oscar
7. run (not walk) in a marathon
8. visit disney world during christmas time
9. write a book and publish it
10. own a gourmet kitchen
11. learn to dance
12. learn to sing
13. paint a portrait of someone famous (commissioned of course)
14. fly kites at mount trashmore
15. be completely debt free
16. see a wimbledon match in england
17. ride in a hot air balloon
18. learn to say "hello" in at least 50 different languages
19. learn to say "thank you" in at least 50 different languages
20. go to an olympics ceremony
21. play the cello
22. eat lunch in central park, new york
23. learn to meditate
24. visit a ranch & go horseback riding
25. vacation at a ski resort
26. start my own business
27. tour hawaii in a helicopter
28. go bird watching
29. take residence in an artist retreat
30. volunteer for a good cause
31. own a cafe
32. visit a nude beach
33. finish art school
34. work as a waitress
35. become a professional artist
36. take that scenic drive on the pacific coast (i forget the area)
37. work as a teacher
38. learn how to swim

cooking dinner

just wanted to make something quick and easy. i ended up doing a stir fry. i love a colorful plate. the rice is cooking in the cooker! can't have stir fry without rice! there's just something about cooking with fresh ingredients. chopping and cutting makes it feel even more special. again, like anything i create, it's the process i enjoy. it's always fun to cook too. cooking on a gas cook top is the best.

sugar snap peas, sliced carrots, sliced zucchini, sliced onions, broccoli florets, minced garlic. i cheated and used a bottled sauce. it's still good. why try and reinvent the wheel? i wish i had a red bell pepper for added flavor and color.

the finished plate. hot steamy rice. chicken and lots of veggies.

dessert! again something quick and simple. i don't know why i was craving chocolate pudding with cool whip on top. if i wanted to be fancier i would have added chocolate shavings on top. it was fun putting the cool whip into a zip loc bag and cutting out a corner, i squeezed it into the glass pretending to be a pastry chef :)

what is wrong with me?

for creative writing, we had to memorize a poem and recite it in class today. i know the poem i chose. it's memorized! so why in the world did i get so nervous and keep messing up? i use to be very shy. i use to hate speaking in front of people. use to! i really don't know what happened to me today. i feel so silly about it too. i speak out in class all the time with my opinions and answers to questions. geez!

anyway, here is the lovely poem i found and memorized:

The Rider
Naomi Shihab Nye

A boy told me
if he roller-skated fast enough
his loneliness couldn’t catch up to him,

the best reason I ever heard
for trying to be a champion.

What I wonder tonight
pedaling hard down King William Street
is if it translates to bicycles.

A victory! To leave your loneliness
panting behind you on some street corner
while you float free into a cloud of sudden azaleas,
pink petals that have never felt loneliness,
no matter how slowly they fell.

thank you cards from the greedy lil pigs

it's been on my "to do" list for about 3 to 4 months now. i've been wanting to make 2 thank you cards all summer long. a friend of mine is in culinary school and she would donate her practice chops (carrots, celery, etc) and a doctor i work with had a garden and she would donate her carrot tops, excess lettuce, etc. to our greedy lil pigs, as i call them. lilly and dandelion (but i call her baby, because she is lilly's baby). so here are the thank you cards from our guinea pigs. i placed a picture of them inside so they knew who it was from :)

i do find i am attracted to the more simpler cards. i like clean lines and simple shapes. not too many accessories i guess. i am the same way with the way i dress. i am a girl who does not usually accessorize. there's a blog i started following, these are some jazzy elder ladies. i absolutely love their style. now these girls accessorize but they look like they have the money to do so. that's one of my problems, i do have expensive taste and if i can't have what i really want i don't waste the money buying something else. crazy, huh? plus i never wanted to attract any attention to myself. anyway, i saw this blog for the first time and said to myself "that's me when i grow up". i love it. so here's the site if anyone is interested:
http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/

plain & simple

i use to make my own greeting cards but since i've moved, downsizing from a house to an apartment, all of my crafting/ cardmaking/scrapbooking/etc. stuff have been packed away in a box. i do have a room designated as my studio i just haven't gotton it all organized yet. so i wanted to make a quick birthday card for someone and the night i wanted to make the card, a friend of mine surprised me with dinner. so of course, i had to make her a thank you card. i love, love, love surprises and that dinner was a beautiful surprise!

these cards are really pretty plain and simple. it's the process i truly love. the process of creating and putting something together and then being able to marvel at the finished product. it could be making a card, cooking a delicious meal, cleaning my kitchen, writing a poem, drawing or painting, anything i guess that started with a "before" and ends with an "after".

i want to use up the stuff i already have. i found myself at michaels today browsing papers, stickers, embellishments, adhesive materials, blades and cutters, the martha stewart line, and of course pens and markers. all things i already have (except martha stewart) so there's no excuse. i'm on a new budget as a single parent now. i use to buy those things so randomly. no more retail therapy for me! i have the materials and tools, i just need the motivation.

making candles!

thanks to my friend ashley http://begincrafting.com/
we made some awesome candles. i haven't burned one yet so i have no idea how it smells. i kinda made my own formulation of scents. sage & citrus, lavender, rain, and i think it was linen or clean. i can't remember. i just mixed them all. we mixed the wax with crayons for the color. we used a soy based wax. it was really fun. ashley made the lovely tag, her husband handmade the button she used. thank you ashley! a friend wanted to buy it from me, i told her i would get back to her with a price but i decided i'm going to just give it to her. it's fun to make things, create things, then share them with people i love. i sold a painting to a friend once and i feel terrible about it. she sent the painting to be framed so i haven't seen it hanging on her wall yet. i'm afraid when i do i am going to feel so much guilt! so how in the world am i ever going to make a living as an artist like this?

i'm playing hooky tonight from my graphic arts class. i seem to be suffering with migraines, specifically cluster headaches as i was told. not sure if it's from the weather, if it's hormonal, stress, i don't know. just like the recent atlas syndrome diagnosis, i just need to hurry up and get myself together! i know it's career related. certain events occurred in january and my body seems to have responded in a negative way. it all started with a stiff neck that hasn't gone away yet. a very good friend told me i am the lion who is lying on a nail, i'm crying in pain, i'm suffering and all i have to do is get up off the nail. those weren't her exact words but it went something like that (thanks chris). what's my mental malfunction? what is keeping me from making that move?

angela's future

i am changing my last name. it's random but it's necessary. i am no longer the married name i have and i am definitely not who i was with my maiden name. and since i don't plan on getting re married anytime soon, i am going to concentrate on re inventing myself. is that a cliche? i should say, discovering myself. maybe that's another cliche. i know what's in my heart. i try to ignore it because life, responsibilities, blah blah blah, all get in the way. i have nothing else to do, so why not do what i really want to do? i've recently been diagnosed with the "atlas syndrome". not good. it's the alarm clock going off and this time i am not hitting the snooze button!

baxter isn't the weight of the world. it's just funny how he hangs on. this is what the korean's call uhboohbah. my mom even sewed together this fancy uhboohbah blanket to wrap my baby to her upper body. i wonder what she did with it? it was pretty awesome. she carried all of my girls around like that. hands free, baby cuddled and warm, close to the body without straps and contraptions. ok, so unrelated but the thought was provoked in my complicated mind and i had to go with it :)





so here's my 5 year forecast:
**out of debt
**practicing mindfulness
**working as a full time artist
**living with gratitude
**possibly relocated in another city,state,country (preferably san francisco)
**oh and 15 pounds smaller, only 15

that's do able, right?

i'm back

so it's been a while since i've posted. i'm sure all bloggers go through a dry season right? i've been quite busy these days, not just physically but mentally. i'm actually mentally exhausted. so i had to do something about it. i got myself back in school. don't judge me. i love being in a learning environment. right now i'm taking fundamentals of digital art and creative writing. creating a blog was a requirement for the digital arts class, you can take a peek here:
http://angelabee2be.wordpress.com/


i am really learning a lot in that creative writing class. the number one lesson thus far? my writing sucks! :) i'm actually growing a better appreciation of literature and poetry. i had fun over the last year playing around with poetry. but it always sounded a bit immature i guess. we had an assignment to do for class today, it's poetry in landscape. my piece was voted the best one in the class! yippee! baxter was my star, he is so awesome! so with poetry in landscape, we had to use a noun or verb as a descriptive word (avoid using adjectives). my word was adventure. look at my baxter, just ready to go. doesn't have a clue where he is going and doesn't care. his life is so good. he's such a lucky boy.

well here is one of the poems i've written last year:

insecurity
insecurity is an ugly and dreadful beast
as it imprisons your heart and uses your joys to feast
it's sole purpose is to create misery
and force the one you love to leave you bitterly
your faith in God will be taken away
as your thoughts are consumed and led astray
oh, where are you my knight in shining armor?
i constantly dream of you as i slumber
til the day comes when you defeat this demon
i will await for you in our garden of eden

it's corny, i know. one thing i've learned about myself in the recent years is that i am corny, i am a nerd, i am ok :)

possibly my "aha" moment

i know it's been awhile. i've been too busy (that's my excuse) to create. a few more weeks and i will be done with school, this time :) i can't believe it's almost over.

a lot has happened! so many self discoveries, new understandings, revival of some old habits, new emotions, new attitudes...a true sense of faith & peace...even moments of pure happiness, uncontrollable smiling, lots of real laughter, ultimate gratitude, & true joys of little things in life! i've also experienced some recent heartache along the way. as painful as the heartache is, it is well appreciated as i know it was meant to be. i strongly believe all things happen for a reason!

i can say that i have learned to love. it's been a challenge & a difficult struggle but i think i can finally say that i love myself :) i finally accept myself...the woman i am, the one i've been created to be. it may sound corny, cliche, whatever the synonym but i have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. i'm still in the process of learning. i'm still in a few "situations" that are not over yet. i have also been working hard on making sure the people i love know how much they mean to me...another struggle of mine, but i'm working on it.

i realized that following & listening to my heart has never done me wrong. my mind gets in the way with all of it's expectations, criticisms, & assumptions!!! my mind is what keeps me from my art & creativity. my mind is what keeps me from enjoying life! so sad but true! maybe this is my "aha" moment??? this is where my life changes forever!